


meet cute

by Kaesa



Series: awkward celestial office party [5]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Angels, Bondage, Cunnilingus, Demons, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Femdom, Good Omens TV 'verse (but no canon characters are in this), Inexperienced Domme, Malesub, Mildly Dubious Consent, Orgasm Delay/Denial, PIV, brief mention of intentional gender change, pregnancy mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-27
Updated: 2020-10-27
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:08:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27221728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaesa/pseuds/Kaesa
Summary: Nisroc is having a pretty rough time of things lately; first she got thrown out of Heaven for getting pregnant, then she had to do some very fast talking to get Satan to let her keep the baby, and now he's back on Earth with a new body, an egg he laid, and a deal with Satan that doesn't allow him any time off to take care of the egg.  He figures he'll get his new demonic career started by spying on the angel who's been given his next assignment in Akrotiri.But then that angel captures him, chains him up, and threatens him with a knife, and it is... unexpectedly, awkwardly hot, and neither of them knows quite what to do about that.
Relationships: Original Angel Character/Original Demon Character
Series: awkward celestial office party [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1987291
Comments: 3
Kudos: 9





	meet cute

This career change was not going as well as Nisroc had hoped. Oh, it was nice not to be pregnant anymore, that was definitely a big plus, but when Nisroc had Fallen, she had not been expecting it to reshuffle her biology so thoroughly that she _laid an egg._

Nisroc didn't know what to do with an egg! She knew, in a very vague sense, what to do with a baby, but an _egg!_ Eggs didn't cry when they got too cold. Eggs didn't do anything. She could at least sense a presence within the egg, and it had taken well to the lake of fire, despite it being, well, _fire,_ so Nisroc put on the first decent body he could get, reveled briefly in the fact of a body that, while it might have feathers and scales in odd places, did not actively hate him, and made his way to the city of Akrotiri.

It would have been his next assignment, he knew, and the briefing packet had mentioned a volcano, so he might as well go and do the opposite of his old job there, and hope the volcano didn't warm the egg _too_ much.

* * *

He'd spent about a week finding a good place to secret the egg away, and had found a cave too near the flow of magma to be a comfortable temperature for humans, but the thing within the egg seemed to like it well enough, and he thought it was safe. Unless there was an earthquake. He would have to try and calm the earthquakes here, at least until he found a better solution. Or until it hatched. He hoped that wasn't too soon; he had made a deal with Satan, after all.

He cradled the egg in his arms for a while, and sang an old lullaby to it, and told it he loved it very much but that it had to be patient.

(He was pretty sure it didn't understand any of this; it was an _egg._ But babies didn't understand that kind of thing either, probably, and mothers did them just the same. And he wanted so much to be a good mother, even if he'd apparently failed at being a good angel.)

Then, trying not to cry, he'd ventured out of the oppressive heat of the cave, back to the surface, and into the city. Almost immediately, he caught sight -- sense? -- well, whatever. There was an angel here, was the point. That could be trouble. So he tracked the angel down.

He'd disliked her immediately, of course. She was tall and broad-shouldered, and had a habit of standing and watching men squabble over dice games when she thought no one was looking her way. Sometimes she wore men's clothing, just a short skirt and a noble's cloak, and sometimes she dressed as a woman, with a long, colorful skirt and an open shirt that only covered her shoulders. But whatever she wore, she held herself apart from the humans a bit, like she was too skittish to let them see her. So she walked the streets of Akrotiri, mostly unseen, except by Nisroc.

And he _hated_ her. Her daily rounds of casual miracles were infuriating; she acted like she owned the place, like it was _hers,_ even though she was too much of a coward to interact with the humans except on the most superficial level. And who was she, anyway, this nothing little angel? Why had they given his beautiful island city to this sad little creature with only two wings?

So he'd followed her -- stalked her, _stalked,_ that was a good demonic word -- for a few days. His new body might not look as human as the angel's -- his hair was feathery, and his fingers curved into talons when he was angry or startled -- but he had eyes far better than the ones in any of his previous bodies. So it was easy to watch her from afar. He saw her in the marketplace, haggling for bread and fruits and vegetables, which she predictably did not eat, but gave to Poor Orphaned Children, because she was an _angel_ and of _course_ she did. Never mind that probably there was some issue with sewage that meant disease was more prevalent, that had orphaned them in the first place. Or maybe it was people falling and breaking their heads on all these _damn stairs._ Either way, the easiest way to fix these little human problems was to take charge and _force_ the humans to fix it.

Probably no one had told her anything about humans before she'd come down here, though. Still! The world had been around for millennia already and if this idiot hadn't picked up anything about how they worked over the course of minor Earth missions before inexplicably being promoted to Principality, that was just sad.

He watched her buy a single date -- just one; the fruit-seller must have thought she was crazy -- for herself. She ate it carefully and hesitantly, and she seemed to like it, but did not go back for another.

Later, he hid in an alley as she joined in on a dice game, and when things didn't go well -- oh, Nisroc could sense her opponents' greed, and one of them had such pride that Nisroc had known immediately he was a cheater, but it took her a bit longer -- she snapped, and everything froze. People stared unblinking at the knucklebones suspended in midair. A girl chasing a runaway chicken was frozen mid-stride; a man in the midst of dropping all his groceries still had time to snatch them back up again before they hit the dusty ground.

Nisroc had never seen _that_ before, outside of -- well. Very specific archangelic purposes, during Creation. And it gave him ideas.

The rules Satan had proposed were: Nisroc could keep the child and the name of Nisroc, so long as she gave Satan the next thousand years of demonic labor, without stopping to care for said child. It was an absolutely terrible bargain, obviously, but it was the only one being offered, so she'd taken it, knowing that the child would die without care. But if this angel -- if she could _stop time_... could she pause the hatching of the egg?

He decided it was worth a shot. But how to get the angel to do it? He pondered this, as he watched her take her cheating opponent's knucklebone and throw it up in the air several times. It came up all sixes, every time -- its maker had weighted the opposite side so that it would always end up on the bottom.

Then she threw the knucklebone her neighbor had lent her for the game, and of course, it came up all dogs, and it would always lose.

Nisroc had assumed she would switch knucklebones with her cheating neighbor, but instead, she blew on both dice carefully, threw them up into the air, and restarted time.

The game was fair after that. She won some, then lost quite a bit of it back due to sheer chance, but she came away overly pleased with herself. It was nauseating how delighted she was to win so little.

* * *

And then she caught him spying on her. She'd been in the marketplace again, and somehow he'd lost track of her between one booth and the next. And then she was behind him, shoving him down hard stone steps and flying down after him. He managed to grab her around the middle, but she bit his arm hard enough to break the skin, and clawed up at his eyes, and he released her. Then she'd swept his legs out from under him and, in a moment, bound him with holy chains.

Afterwards she'd dragged him up a thousand horrible stairs back to a tiny little house jammed in amidst a thousand other tiny little houses. It was one room; a firepit, a bed, a chair, a few low windows and a cluster of dusty barely-used cooking pots. He could hear the neighbors arguing about wine in the next house.

The chains burned a little when he struggled against them, but to add insult to lack of injury, they didn't even burn that much. She wasn't even powerful enough to make the chains _really_ holy, just holy enough to be inescapable.

And yet, she had caught him.

"All right," she said, brandishing a knife at him. "What's your name, demon?"

"As if I'd tell you," Nisroc spat.

She rolled her eyes, this nothing little angel, like he was just a recalcitrant human king and not a fallen seraph. "Okay, well, guess I'm calling you 'demon' for now. There a reason you were following me?"

_Because you stole my job. Because I saw you stop time. Because you're very..._ That last one wasn't going anywhere good. Anywhere bad? Anywhere occupationally appropriate, he decided. "I mean. General trouble-causing, mayhem, et cetera."

"Right. I don't believe you," she said, and put the blade to his throat.

There was something thrilling about that. Nisroc tried to ignore it. "I used to be worshiped as a _god,_ you know," he said, and if he hadn't been guarding his name as a secret, he would have unfolded all of his wings, so she knew who she was dealing with, and that he was not to be trifled with. Or kept as a captive.

"No one cares but you," she said. He bore his sharpened teeth at that, and then she _smirked._ "You know what, actually. You've gotta be tired, standing there after I dragged you up all those fucking stairs. Why don't you kneel?" She tugged the chain around his neck down, sharply enough to be incredibly uncomfortable.

So he knelt, grudgingly, and she traced the tip of the knife up his bare chest, letting it stop just under his chin, and tilting it up so that he had to look at that vicious little smile of hers. And there was something very beautiful about her, just then -- her well-muscled arms, her piercing stare, the long black hair spilling down her shoulders and around her breasts. She might have made a splendid goddess herself -- of warfare, perhaps, or victory, or the hunt. Something that ended in blood. She had such _potential,_ and she was wasting it doing Heaven's bidding.

Then her smile faltered, and her gaze traveled... downwards. And Nisroc realized how obviously and incredibly turned on he was.

"Uh," she said. She let the hand with the knife fall to her side.

"That -- that doesn't usually happen," he said quickly. Oh no. He could feel all the blood that wasn't... otherwise occupied rushing to his face.

"I thought they were supposed to do that?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. "Never seemed very practical to me, letting everyone know what you want."

"It's not supposed to happen _now,_ though," he said, frantically. Not that he'd ever been bound in chains and threatened by an enemy, but -- well. "Is this -- are you doing this _to_ me?" he asked her.

"What? No! No, I would never -- look, I've barely been down here for fifty years, okay? They had me up in the Kuiper Belt putting finishing touches on the outer solar system since we _barely_ have an astronomical team anymore, no thanks to you fuckers --"

"Excuse me, I had nothing to do with that, don't blame me --"

"The _point_ is I don't even know how -- how human genitals work, all right?" she snapped. She looked very flustered. "And even if I did, I would _never_ \--"

"Right, yeah, you're a pure-hearted angel or whatever," he said, rolling his eyes. "That's why you're tying up demons and threatening them on the Island of Everyone's Allergic To Shirts, and if you wanna talk about _everyone knowing you're horny,_ walking around with nipples fit to cut glass is not --"

" _Listen,_ I didn't come up with the fashion around here, this was just my _assignment,_ " she said. "And you're the only demon I've encountered since the war, so -- and look, I'm _not_ someone who forces captive demons to fuck me, anyway. And, I mean. This is a really awkward conversation to have with someone whose name I don't even know. And, and _anyway!_ If I wanted sex I could _definitely_ get it with someone who isn't a demon, especially not one stupid enough to get captured by _me._ "

"Is that -- is that not against company policy?" he asked. He was genuinely confused now. Still turned on, unfortunately, but also _deeply_ confused.

"Sex with a demon is definitely against company policy!" she said, like he was an idiot.

"I meant humans!"

"Oh. Um." She did not look entirely sure of this. "I think... it's probably fine? I mean. I mean we're supposed to live among them, and -- and -- admittedly I did kind of skim the latest memos," she said. "It doesn't look very appealing, anyway. All that groaning."

Nisroc laughed at this, a real laugh, and she looked startled. "You'd be surprised," he said. "It's like -- it's like eating. Or drinking."

"Oh, I don't do any of that --"

"Yes you do," he said. He'd seen her, after all. "It _looks_ disgusting, but it's delicious." He wanted to say, _I could show you._ He did not.

She frowned at him. "Right. Well. That's. Your -- your whatever, it's not my problem," she said, gesturing at his offending whatever. "Deal with it."

"I, um. I'd need my hands free for that, or at least not chained up behind my back," he said. Maybe he could make his dick just... vanish? He tried. Nope. Not while bound by holy chains, anyway. He was stuck with it.

"Oh, yeah, I'm just gonna let a demon I just caught free so he can go, uh, fuck himself?"

"That's not how _anything works,_ " he said, despairingly.

"Mm. Well. Bad news for you, I guess," she said. She snapped, and the holy chain was attached to a spike in the floor of her house. "Um. I'll -- I'll be back to interrogate you... later. Hopefully all that... will be... gone?"

And she left him there, kneeling on the floor, for the rest of the day.

It did not help matters.

* * *

By the time she returned, he'd convinced his dick that there wasn't much to be excited about -- he reminded himself of the important things, of being thrown out of Heaven, and his deal with Satan, and the egg, and all those things had worked, at the time. But alas, when she'd picked up the knife again and tried to threaten answers out of him, the stupid thing perked right up again.

She didn't actually _intend_ to torture him, he was pretty sure -- she seemed horrified and embarrassed -- but he felt pretty tortured. In fact, he really wished he'd been captured by a less ethical angel, because he had the impression she was also, maybe, _interested,_ and if she'd only just _take_ what she wanted... but no. And picturing her pushing him down and riding him, holy chains still around his neck and wrists, was not helping matters in the unwanted erection department at _all._

A few days in, she'd stopped bothering with the knife, and he knew perfectly well she wasn't actually going to use it, but it was too late -- he wanted her too much now, had spent too much time thinking about what he wanted.

In a moment of terrible weakness, he offered to become physically female, so that at least it wouldn't be so troublingly obvious to her, if she'd just let him out of the chains for a moment. The angel's eyes had gone wide as the full moon at the idea, and then narrowed again. "What, and then you'd go back into the chains without a fuss?" she asked, scoffing.

The worst part was, Nisroc absolutely would have. He didn't think she'd believe him though. "Look, I really am sorry about, um, all this," he said, nodding downward.

"Yeah, I bet you are," she said. She actually sounded almost sympathetic? Almost. "I, um. I asked around about, um." She looked around, almost as if she was worried someone would be listening at the windows. "About dicks," she continued, very softly. "And I believe you that you're not doing it on purpose?"

"That's. That's great," he said, making a concerted effort not to laugh at how she must've sounded, with her very earnest penis questions. It was... kind of adorable? But also, she still had that knife, even if she wasn't threatening him with it currently.

"So um." She sighed. "Look, here's the thing, I can't just let you go, I don't want to discorporate you without finding out anything, and I feel like a weird pervert every time I try and get information out of you the normal way."

"Wait, why do _you_ feel like a weird pervert?" he asked. If he could just get her to admit she wanted him....

" _So,_ " she said, ignoring this question pointedly, "you might as well just tell me everything and then I'll, uh, I'll let you go, and if you want to fight me I guess we can do that, but --"

"No, that's stupid," he said. "Why don't I..." Oh no. This was a terrible idea. He didn't care. "Why don't I show you what you're missing? And then I'll tell you my name and why I'm here. After that we can fight, if you really insist."

"Show me what I'm -- are you trying to seduce me? Do you really think I'm that _stupid?_ " she asked.

"No, I just." He looked her up and down, feeling more helpless than he had when she'd pulled the knife on him. "Fuck, I just really want this." She blinked. "I don't even -- you don't have to untie me, I can just..." He licked his lips. "I can use my mouth." It would only make matters worse for him and he didn't even care; the thought of burying his face between her thighs was intoxicating. He didn't even know if she _had_ anything there, but he was hopeful.

He couldn't feel anything from her -- no lust, no anger, no fear -- but she did look frightened, for a moment. That should have gratified him, that he could still inspire fear, but instead he worried he'd ruined it all -- never mind that it was all pretty much ruined anyway. Then she took a breath, visibly calmed herself, and said, hesitantly, "You want -- you want _me?_ "

"Please," he said. He was so fucking hard he was dizzy.

For a moment he thought he saw a sort of gleam in her eyes, like fire, and he realized maybe she hadn't been afraid of _him_ at all. But then she made a face. "It's not like it is Up There, is it?"

"What?" he asked.

"Sex," she said.

He frowned. "I never -- I never tried it Up There." He could have; Nisroc had been beautiful as a seraph, all fire and wings and ferocity. Now his true form was horrible to look at; a sickly, gaunt creature with too many teeth and no feathers on its wings. He couldn't imagine anyone touching it. "I don't think so," he said.

"So you won't -- you won't know my thoughts?" she asked, and he wondered why she was so anxious about things like that.

"Definitely not. Can't even tell if you want this right now, and I think I'm supposed to be able to feel vices."

"Oh." She considered this. "Well. Fine. I'll -- I'll let you," she said, shakily. She summoned the chain around his neck with a gesture, and tugged at it. "Come here. I'll -- I'll --" She hiked her skirt up, hesitantly, and then gave up on that, and untied the sash at her waist. She pulled the dress off over her head and oh, she was beautiful, made of graceful curves with muscle underneath. "Do I -- do I sit down?" she asked, like she was worried she was doing this one thing wrong, instead of doing _everything_ wrong.

He felt a bizarre and ridiculous impulse to reassure her. "Yeah," he said. "And spread your legs to let me in."

She sat on the edge of the bed. "I shouldn't be doing this," she said, and Nisroc felt so guilty; he was _corrupting_ her. Sure, that was his job now, but still.

"You're getting information out of me," he said, looking hopefully up at her.

"Right. Yeah. That's true," she said. She did not sound convinced, but she seemed willing enough to pretend that he shuffled forward, and she parted her legs to reveal a glistening wet cunt. He could smell her desire now; he didn't have be able to sense it demonically.

He grinned up at her. "How long have you --"

"Couple days," she said. "I was... curious. Could you _please_ \-- before I lose my nerve --"

He didn't need telling twice. He pressed light kisses over the insides of her thighs before letting himself taste her. He stayed there for a while, and by the way her breath caught, she was enjoying it. Then he moved his mouth up to tease at her clit.

Her reaction was immediate -- a gasped " _Fuck!_ " She parted her legs further, and rocked her hips forward.

He moaned a little as he sucked her clit, and she _whimpered._ Then he decided he'd better not keep doing that or she'd be overwhelmed too quickly, and instead pressed his nose into her clit as he licked back into her.

"Nnh -- n - no, keep doing -- other thing," she said, although the way her hips were moving he could tell she liked this plenty.

He pulled away. "It's not too much?"

"Fuck, what did I just _tell_ you?" she said, raggedly, and pressed his head back into her cunt.

He went back to working at her clit, relishing the pressure she was putting on the back of his head, and the noises she was making, and how incredibly wet she was, and wondered if he could come just from this. Or would he just be achingly hard until he got his hands back and had a chance to go masturbate furiously? He should be ashamed of himself, and probably would be later, but in the moment -- well, what a moment it was.

She was still moaning and pressing his face into her, but he suspected she was using her free hand to muffle her moans now. He was lucky he didn't need to breathe; he had precious little chance to do so, the way she was thrusting her hips. But it went right to his cock every time she made some little noise, and when she let loose a stream of _very_ unangelic invective and used both hands to push his face into her, he knew he was doing very well. Eventually she cried out, wordlessly, and after a few moments she released him and fell back onto the bed, breathing hard.

Nisroc licked her juices off his face, as much as he could reach. The angel lay on her back for a few moments, getting her breath back, before lying on her side. She looked down at him, and frowned at his lap, where his cock was still very hard, and visibly leaking through the fabric. "You're still -- I thought you would -- I thought that would take care of it?"

He shook his head.

"Why'd you ask to do it?" she asked.

"I _really_ wanted to," he said. He grinned up at her. "Good, though, right?"

"I." She swallowed, and looked embarrassed. "You said you would tell me your name," she reminded him.

"Nisroc," he said quickly. "I'm Nisroc."

"Oh." Now she looked apologetic. "Oh, they gave me your job, didn't they?" He nodded. "Is that why you're here?"

He nodded. "Yeah, that and --"

"Hang on, this is ridiculous, come onto the bed," she said. "Oh, oh, it's probably hard to stand, shit, here..." She stood, and helped him to his feet, and he sat awkwardly at the edge of the bed next to her. "Right. Is that. Are you comfortable?"

"Not really?" he said, because spending days kneeling on the floor was not conducive to comfort, and also he was still really goddamn hard and she was so _incredibly naked_ right now, something she seemed to have forgotten about. He wanted to kiss down her neck, to bury his face between her breasts, to hold her hips while she rode him, and there she was just _sitting_ there.

"Right, yeah," she said, her eyes flicking back down to his dick. "Do you -- can I --"

" _Please,_ " he said. He had no idea what she was asking for permission to do, but she could do whatever the hell she wanted as far as he was concerned. She flicked his skirt up and stared at his cock, then ran her fingers lightly along it. He moaned.

"Is that -- is that good?" she asked.

"Harder would be -- better, yeah," he said, as she gripped him. He thrust up into her hand. "But -- but slick, not dry."

"Ah," she said, and took her hand back. She looked speculatively at him and he wanted her so fucking _much,_ but -- well, she was in charge, wasn't she? And for all her polite questions, he didn't think she'd take kindly to demands. "Mm. Don't think joints bend that way," she muttered to herself, and then she physically hauled him around so his back was to her. He felt her run her fingers over the chain binding his wrists. "I'm going to take these off so you can lie down," she said into his ear. "If you try to fight me, I intend to win."

"I won't fight you," he said. He knew he ought to _try_ to discorporate her. But it was kind of risky, and also this seemed... very promising.

"Good," she said, and took the chains off his wrists. She pushed him down onto the bed, and he was really liking where this was going.

But also... "You... gonna put the chains back on?" he asked her, slightly surprised.

"Should I not trust you?" she asked. "You've been pretty pliable." She ran a finger down his cock again, teasingly. "In a metaphorical sense, anyway."

"Well, I wouldn't trust me," he said. He was a demon, after all.

She smiled at him -- a smile of genuine amusement, he thought -- and in a snap, holy chains dragged his wrists up past his head and he was bound to the bed. "Happy?"

He shrugged. "Was your choice," he said.

"No one's ever beaten you in a fight before, have they?" she asked, trailing a hand up his chest again. The way she was leaning over him, her breasts were pressed together, and he wanted to suck at them and see if she made pretty noises. "You didn't know you liked it."

Nisroc had a very articulate answer to this, somewhere in his head, but it didn't make it to his mouth. "Nrh," he said.

"Or did you _let_ me win that fight?" she asked.

He shook his head. "No. No, definitely not."

"Oh, good," she said.

"Might let you win next time if this is what happens," he added. Somewhere in the back of his mind, a less horny internal voice was shouting that he was an idiot. But he was an idiot who knew what he wanted, at least.

"Oh, promise me you won't, I like a challenge," she said, giving him an indulgent smile, and there was that beautiful fire in her eyes. _The goddess of the hunt,_ he remembered thinking earlier. Oh, she would have been glorious. Could still be. Maybe he could talk her into it. They could have their own pantheon. And if she Fell for it, she'd be a fantastic demon. "Anyway, I'm going to help you take care of -- this," she said, gesturing at his dick, "and _then_ I'll ask you all my questions. It only seems fair."

And he certainly wasn't going to object. She straddled him, muttering to herself, "Is this how they do it? I think this is how they do it," and lowered herself onto his cock. " _Oh._ Oh, fuck," she said, getting him all the way in, and she was so slick and hot, clenched around him, it was overwhelming even before she began to move. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, oh g-- ngh," she said, managing to cut her blasphemy off before it got all the wrong attention, and she was so beautiful, bracing herself on his shoulders as she rode him, head thrown back in bliss. She emitted a faint glow that grew brighter as she came closer to her second orgasm of the day.

Although, because it was her first time and all, he felt like probably he ought to help a little more. "It feels -- it feels so good if you use your fingers on your clit," he said. "The little bump you wanted my mouth on," he added, when she looked confused.

She used one hand to try it, and he moaned as she clenched around him in renewed ecstasy. " _Fuck,_ " she said. "You -- you do this a lot?"

"Did enough, before." Nisroc had, when she'd been an angel still, definitely ridden a lot of human men when she'd been trying to get pregnant. "S'one of my favorites. Love getting fucked," he said.

"Oh, oh fuck," she said, and he felt her spasming around him. Her halo grew blinding as she came again, riding the orgasm out on his dick, then climbing off of him with a squelch. "Fuck. That was. Okay. Yeah. I see why you like it. Sorry, I -- it's too much now."

He was so maddeningly _close_ , and he was about to beg her to take him in hand when she began to stroke him on her own. "Fuck, yeah, that's so good, oh, oh _god_ ," he said, fucking up into her fist, heedless of the possible consequences of any of this. "Oh fuck, yes." And he spilled all over his chest and her fingers. He didn't remember having come so hard before in his _life._

"Good?" she asked.

"Holy fuck," he said, still catching his breath.

"Not on your part," she said.

"Mnh." He remembered that he was still tied up and at the mercy of an angel. A surprisingly solicitous angel, at least. He looked up at her. "Um."

She smiled down at him, somewhere between kind and smug. "Thanks for showing me what I was missing?" she said.

Ugh. He should have escaped when he had the chance; now she was going to be all... earnest, and shit, and the idea was... not unappealing. He almost wanted to kiss her. But he was going to try and be a better demon than he'd been an angel, so he quashed all that as quickly as he could. "Look, what do you want to know?" he asked.

Her face fell, and something twisted in his chest, like he'd done something wrong. But really, what did she _expect?_ "Oh. I just. I thought." She took a deep breath, cleaned them both up with a miracle, and dressed herself with another. "Right. Yeah. What are you here for?"

"This was my next assignment," he said, unhappily. "And they gave it to you, I guess."

"I guess," she said, shrugging. "And you were following me out of, what, creepy jealousy?"

"It was not creepy," he insisted. "And I'm not jealous."

"'Course not," she said, clearly unconvinced. "Why'd you Fall? It must've been recent," she said. "They said -- they said you were pretending to be a god."

"Look, it's an easy way to get things done, okay? It's not like -- it's not like _Michael's_ never done it, I'm sure she has," said Nisroc. "You'd be so much more effective as a goddess."

She looked very skeptical. "Don't think I'd make much of a goddess. Don't see why anyone would believe in me."

"Sure they would," he insisted, and he shouldn't be giving a _pep talk_ to the _enemy,_ only -- well. There was something so small and bitter about that last sentence. It was clear she needed it. "Goddess of the hunt. Goddess of fire. Goddess of war," he offered, and she flinched at that last one. "You'd be great at it. I could show you how." He told himself this was all in an effort to get her to Fall, and not because he liked her. The fact that he liked her was barely influencing him at all, he decided. Also, it was going to be very annoying watching her do his job all wrong.

"I don't _want_ anyone to worship me. That sounds -- that sounds awkward. I wouldn't like it."

"Of course you'd like it, everyone likes it," he said. When she still looked doubtful, he added, "You sure liked it a minute ago." He immediately regretted it.

She went very silent. "Ah," she said. "I. I didn't think of that as. Oh."

He looked away from her, at this tiny little hovel she was living in. "Don't read too much into it," he muttered.

"Why did you _really_ Fall, then?" she asked. He looked at her, startled. "I mean, I don't _believe_ you, I think probably setting yourself up as a false idol is a Falling offense, but why do you think you really Fell?"

He rolled his eyes. "Got pregnant," he said, going back to not looking at her.

"I thought -- I thought we couldn't do that unless we wanted to?" she asked.

"Well, I wanted to," he said. "Obviously."

"Ah," she said. "So you had -- you had a child."

"Nope," he said. He wished he could fold his arms and turn further away from her, but alas, in a haze of lust he'd suggested she chain him up again, so he was just... stuck like this. On her bed. With her lying beside him. He was getting rid of his dick as soon as demonically possible; he liked having _something_ down there, for realism, but it had not historically helped him make good decisions and he should've known better this time around.

"Oh," she said, and it sounded like she'd jumped merrily to some conclusion he hadn't meant to lead her to. "Oh, I'm so sorry."

"What?" He looked back up at her. "What are you talking about?"

"Well, I mean -- you lost -- you wanted a child, and you didn't... you didn't have one, and you don't _look_ pregnant, and..." She trailed off. "Oh. But you _didn't_ lose it? Sorry, I assumed... I don't know anything about kids except they scream a lot and I don't... want one, even if it wasn't against company policy, but also -- I mean, you know, I get they're important to people, and. I _hope_ you didn't lose it?"

Oh, this was going to be so _embarrassing._ He could lie, but he didn't have a good lie at hand. And, to be fair, who was she going to tell about this awkward post-coital chat with a demon? "I laid an egg, okay?"

"What," she said.

"An egg. I was pregnant, and I Fell, and Satan remade me, and I came out all -- all _avian,_ and -- and I laid an _egg._ " His face was hot and he did not want to look her in the eye.

"That sounds fucking awful," she said, with a surprising amount of sympathy. "And painful. Explains why your hair is halfway to feathers, though." She frowned. "I'm glad you got to keep your child, I assume, but I can't see _Satan_ just letting you --"

"Oh, don't worry, he didn't," said Nisroc.

"'Course he didn't, he's an asshole," the angel said, with a surprising amount of authority.

He frowned up at her. "You talk like you know him," he said.

"I do. I did. He's an asshole," she said, firmly. "A _dumb_ asshole. I outsmarted him once," she said, proudly. "Couple times, actually, now I think about it."

Nisroc didn't think she was lying about that. He wasn't so naive as to assume angels didn't lie, and this one seemed plenty devious, but -- she was just so matter-of-fact about it, and it sounded too outrageous to be a good lie, so he thought it was probably true. He began to feel a little less bad about having been captured by her. "Well, I definitely didn't. At least, not yet." He swallowed. "Ah, fuck, I might as well just tell you, I was going to -- I was going to try and trick you into helping me, anyway. He made me promise to give him the next thousand years of my life to just working for Hell, no time off to deal with the needs of my kid. That was what I had to agree to, or he wouldn't let me keep the kid at all."

"What, so -- you left the egg in Hell?" she asked. She sounded awfully judgmental for someone who'd just fucked a demon.

"Fuck no, they'd make so many omelettes," he said. "I'm not _that_ dumb."

"Good," she said. "What'd you do with it?"

"It's here," he said. "I think -- I _hope_ the volcano will keep it warm enough."

"The what?" she asked.

"The volcano," he said. She looked lost. "They didn't warn you about the volcano?" He tried to sit up very quickly, having momentarily forgotten that there were chains binding him. "Ow, _fuck._ "

"How about... I let you go, and you tell me what the fuck a volcano is," she said.

" _You don't know what a volcano is?_ " he demanded. "They sent you to _fucking Akrotiri_ and you don't know about _volcanoes?_ "

"I'm gonna be real pissed off if this turns out to be some imaginary thing you're making up to scare me," she said, and snapped him free of his chains.

He struggled and sat up. "Please tell me you're kidding about the volcanoes. Please tell me Heaven's not that fucking _stupid._ "

She gave him a look that said, very plainly, _Have you not been to Heaven?_

"Okay. Yeah. That was a dumb question, wasn't it? I'll tell you about volcanoes," he said. "But look -- before we get into that, I don't think that's an imminent threat, there'd be earthquakes --"

"What's an --"

"Argh, they didn't tell you about _anything,_ did they?" he said, inordinately distressed on her behalf. "Right. Right. Of course they didn't. They're _fuckers._ Anyway. Look. Before I get into that... I saw you stop time."

She froze.

"I wasn't supposed to see that, was I?" he asked.

"I don't think... they know I can still do it?" she ventured. "You're not gonna tell them, right? I mean, I don't know how you _would,_ but--"

He grinned, slowly. "You didn't tell them yourself?"

She shook her head.

"I think I like you," he decided. "What's your name, anyway?"

"Vehuel," she said.

"Vehuel, you're fucking adorable," he said. "Even if you don't know shit about Earth." She blinked. "Anyway, I saw you stop time, I was wondering if you could, um. If you could stop time for the egg. So my kid -- so I don't -- so I can keep my deal with Satan without losing the child."

She considered it silently.

"You'd be outsmarting Satan again," he reminded her. "And, look at it from Heaven's perspective. You're delaying the birth -- hatching, I guess -- of the last of the Nephilim. Maybe indefinitely. I'm not dumb enough to assume you'll necessarily be willing to unstop it in a thousand years," he added. "I'll uh. I'll have to convince you of that, I guess, but --"

"No, you don't have to sell me anymore, sticking it to Satan sounds great," she said.

He leaned forward and kissed her; it took her a moment to kiss back, but she got the hang of it quickly; she was a fast learner, apparently. She looked a bit dazed when he pulled away, though.

"I should warn you," she told him, "I'm probably gonna discorporate you eventually. Not today, I mean. But if you stick around to fuck with my city, I have to do something about _that,_ you know?"

"Oh, obviously," he said, giving her a toothy grin. "Don't think I won't give you a run for your money, though."

The way she grinned back, he knew this was going to be fun.


End file.
